i have watched more tv in the past 3 days than i probably have in my entire life.

i am in desperate need. i need prayer. i could use some more hope. i decided to go to the ER yesterday morning, cause i had been feeling really, really shitty since wednesday night. shitty= not being able to sleep more than 4 hours each night, feeling very weak(weak as in i have to take a break halfway up the stairs, and get tired changing clothes,etc.), almost fainting a couple times, feeling like my body is on fire(this is crazy for me, because i am usually freezing), my heart feeling like its going to explode, food making me feel naseous, and losing 11 pounds in three days. 

so, i went to the ER. and it was a waste of time. they told me i needed to go to home and get some rest. really? like are you fucking kidding me? all i've been doing is laying on the couch for the past three days and you tell me i just need more rest. i am beyond frustrated at this point. i am praying that this is just some crazy virus, and it will suddenly pass. i can only hope that is it. 

i can use your prayers, no, i NEED your prayers.  i honestly don't have much hope that God will heal me. I know he can. At this point though, I think he maybe doesn't want to heal me. And that sucks. I need more faith. So many people are in such greater need than me. 

listen to noah gundersen if you get the chance. he's been great to listen to this week for me. 

oh. yesterday, i managed to force a bowl of cereal down. it took me almost half an hour, but i did it. praise God for the little things.

i love you all.